My NYC Trip.

I'm blogging this because people keep wanting to know what happened in NYC and I'm tired of talking about it so hopefully this blogsby will solve my problems. [EDIT: I wrote this while hopped up on cold medication, so it may be rife with errors. You've been warned.]

Tuesday, August 16
We were somehow bumped to a different AIRLINE. But this made us have a non-stop flight, which was awesome. Our choreographer (and my good friend) George Ferrie had his birthday at midnight! We went to Daly's in Astoria and drank for a long time. Some weird dude talked to us for a while. My friend Wes likes to ask "top 5" music questions when he's drunk and it makes me disgruntled when I'M drunk. Then, I bought a pitcher of beer, but everyone was ready to leave, so I got MORE disgruntled because my pitcher didn't get completely drank (drunken? drinked?) ... but really, I didn't care, because I was very drunk.

Wednesday, August 17
The rest of our brethren made it in safe. We found out how to get to our venue, and how to get to FringeCENTRAL. I vowed to buy a Fringe t-shirt at some point. We were accosted by a lady who was angry at our overloading of a postcard slot (dude, even if I explained it to you, you wouldn't get it unless you already got it), and THEN accosted by a dude who was German-esque and had come to Fringe because he was doing a Jeffrey Dahmer cabaret one-man show. SERIOUSLY. And he was super sassy. The whole thing felt surreal, and I wasn't even drunk. THEN! Some of us had dinner at Monster Pizza. Lemme say this: NEVER EAT AT MONSTER PIZZA IN NEW YORK. It is clearly a front for some kind of Eastern European money-laundering scheme. So unless you want to wait 25 minutes to get your check, avoid Monster Pizza at all costs.

Thursday, August 18
We had tech at 11:30am, and it was required that everyone show up at 10:30am. This didn't happen. The group I was with was in charge of transporting the props and costumes, and we spent a good 40 minutes looking for a cab. We managed to get to the space by 11am. Our stage manager had to go back for something and showed up around 11:15am. And one actor didn't show up until 12:15pm. Needless to say, the show was off to a rough start in NYC. Somehow, we got a full run in during our tee-tiny tech, and we all went our separate ways. I honestly remember nothing else that happened, which means I probably stayed in for the rest of the night. Oh! Did see a show that night, in the space in which we were performing. It wasn't great, but it was about an open mic night and used all different kinds of art, so I kind of loved it despite its crappiness. We DID find out about Fat Baby tonight, though, which made everything worth it. EVERY BAR SHOULD BE NAMED FAT BABY. I mean... FAT BABY. So amazing. The name wins everything, all at once.

Friday, August 19
Touring the city! Bought some liquor, wandered around Union Square, met up with some people to eat at Two Boots Pizza, which would have been cooler if they had more places to sit. And then I went to see another play, with my friends, at our venue. It was about a one-night stand, and two people's problems emerging during the night thanks to alcohol. It was better than the show from the night before, but there were still some issues (paging Terrible British Accent, party of one...). Nonetheless, I STILL didn't hate it. You have to understand: I'm a very hateful theatre person. I expect greatness from everything. And yet something about these Fringe shows made me all, "I LOVE THEATRE AND ART AND ARTISTS WORKING TOWARDS A GOAL SO EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE NOT GREAT I STILL LOVE THEM BECAUSE YAY NEW WORKS AND STUFF." Or something. I was just more forgiving, is the point. Anyway, Kelly's is a great dive bar off of Houston in NYC, if you're visiting. After Kelly's, a bunch of us also went to something called the FringeCLUB, where Fringees (I just made that up) got together to network and mingle and whatnot. (Note: The "whatnot" in that sentence might be unnecessary.) Mostly, it consists of people pushing their shows on you. Lots of show pimping, not a lot of getting to know people. I got drunk, and stopped listening to everyone.

Saturday, August 20
Went to visit our rehearsal space. Walked around Times Square, which is horrendously overwhelming. Also, I am the queen of "city walking." I will push by any motherfucker in my way, and I will complain loudly about people moving too slow or taking up too much of the sidewalk. This makes some people uncomfortable. I bought a $3 New York keychain, not because I wanted a New York souvenir, but because it had nail clippers, a nail file, AND a bottle opener all in one! For only $3! I couldn't pass it up. Then we went to Rockefeller Plaza, which was the shit. It's not the MOST awesome thing ever, but I love a good amount of NBC shows, so it was fun to see all of the weird shit they were selling in the NBC Experience Store. I really wanted a "Troy and Abed in the Morning" coffee mug, especially since it was MONSTER-sized, and I love big mugs for my tea. But it was $12, and I really didn't want to spend that kind of money on something like that. (At the end of my trip, when I saw that I had money left over, I felt very sad about not buying that mug.) I WAS willing to spend $5 on some old Law and Order: Criminal Intent stuff (because it amused me), but I knew it was useless, so I managed to talk myself out of that one. That night, I went out with my friend David and his girlfriend Elizabeth to a place called Bareburger (I think it's one word), and it was DELICIOUS. It was also amazing to talk to two people who have a lot of experience in the NYC theatre world. I have no interest in moving there, but I loved the conversation.

Sunday, August 21
We had a rehearsal. It went. I had never gotten to see some things from the show, so it was cool to be able to do that. After, I had planned to go to something called Fringe on the Fourth, which was another mixer-type thing. But by the time I got over there, a torrential downpour started. I tried to hide out under an awning for a while, until eventually I ran to the nearest place, which was a tavern called Plebe's. Had a delicious turkey burger, and then had to wait around FOREVER because my waitress was some vapid American Apparel-looking bitch and she forgot my beer. (The service was terrible in New York, for the most part. Not incredibly surprising, but I couldn't believe how rampant it was.) Went to a dance/multimedia show that night which was incredibly unfocused; however, instead of making me feel overwhelmed, it just made me sleepy. Seeing as the show was about dreams, and that our stage manager Natalie actually FELL ASLEEP during the show and still somehow liked it more than me, we wondered if maybe that was the point.

Monday, August 22
Didn't do much. Our first show was at 10pm, so I took my time getting ready. I got to wear my RIDICULOUS wig and makeup on the subway. Got a lot of strange looks, but not much else. I figured that if anyone said anything, they'd be crazy, because normal people don't talk to those who look weird. While I was stretching outside of the theatre, I heard some chick say, "WHAT is that hair?" but when she walked by me, she said, "I LOVE your hair." Bitch, I COULD HEAR YOU. Don't lie to someone you don't even know. Show went well, although I almost fell off my "tightrope" due to the nerves. Went to Fat Baby afterwards with friends Lindsay and Mary, who brought some hipster people with them to the bar. Hipster people scare the ever-loving shit out of me. THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

Tuesday, August 23
Saw a one-man show that was about virtual reality. It was not at ALL what I was expecting, but I ended up getting teary-eyed at the end. The performer was INSANELY good. Then we had to find a new parasol because the original BROKE during Monday's performance. GAH. We ended up getting a red one instead of a black one, which made the fact that it was part of how I killed myself in the show much sadder. If you didn't see the show, this might not make sense to you. But trust... sad red parasol is sad. Then we planned to see something called a harbor lights cruise, but got on the train going the wrong way, and had to fucking POWER WALK in order to get there on time. (Because of the amount of walking that had happened in the past week, there was no fucking way anyone was running.) We got there on time, spent 2 hours doing that, which was awesome. Then we ate at some place called the Theatre Row Diner, which consisted of a lot of mediocre food that made me have to poop.

OH GOD. I forgot that this was the day of the "earthquake." So ridiculous. I didn't feel anything, and this was my first inclination that New Yorkers are dramatic. If you know anyone in NYC who said they felt it, they're lying to you. [EDIT: My friend Shannon convinced me that she really DID feel it in her office building, so I feel obligated to note that here. FINE. SOME PEOPLE REALLY FELT IT.]

Wednesday, August 24
Second show! Despite our composer Patrick going to the hospital for a sesame allergy, it went more smoothly than the first. Went out with Wes and Allison (his girlfriend) to a place called Treehouse, which was chill, and had some sort of weird projector that showed movies on a brick wall across the street. Later in the night, it projected some guy filming people in the bar. Oh, New York, you have a lot of ridiculousness. A few of us grabbed a drink in Astoria afterwards, on our way home.

Thursday, August 25
The weather started getting worse, and the rain (and alcohol from the previous night) made me sleep through a show at noon that I planned to see. I saw another afternoon show, though, WHICH WAS AWFUL. The premise was cool on paper (two friends in a life or death contest), but the script was weak, the directing was staid, and the acting was excruciating. I laughed a few times (and was embarrassed about it), but mostly my face was one of disgust and incredulity. Worst play I saw at the Fringe. I bought my Fringe t-shirt and then walked around K-Mart until David was off work. THERE IS A K-MART IN NEW YORK CITY. Dude. I didn't even know those EXISTED in thriving neighborhoods. Anyway, David showed me around his new job, which is as production manager of the Vineyard Theatre - they're an off-Broadway theatre that is where Avenue Q, [title of show], How I Learned to Drive, and many more plays originated. It was AWESOME to experience. I then saw my final Fringe show, which was my favorite. The directing was extremely problematic, but the script was great and the acting was amazing. It was fantastic.

Friday, August 26
As I was getting ready for an afternoon performance, the festival posted on Facebook that all Sunday shows were cancelled (along with the closing night party) due to Irene. About an hour before our performance started, we found out that the Saturday shows were cancelled as well because the city ordered all pubtranspo (TM Brittany) to be shut down at noon on Saturday. Needless to say, we were devastated. Four months of work, and all of a sudden, we're doing our final show. It was our weakest of our Fringe shows, in my opinion, and I chalk that up to all of the drama with the cancelled shows. We had to strike EVERYTHING in 15 minutes after the performance, so there was a lot of "let's just throw it away" mentality. Our toy piano is gone, as are the canes and trapeze sticks. George's friend Amara got our trunk, and thus, a new coffee table. That night, our friend Rawb hooked us up (I would never say "hooked us up," but it feels very Rawb-esque, and if you know Rawb, you know that to be true) with free drinks at Webster Hall, which is an epic hipster club. People got shitcanned, some of us got neck injuries from whipping our hair back and forth, and some lady we didn't know did a striptease that weirded us all out. It was intense and awesome, and quite a way for all of us to spend our last night together. (We were in New York for longer, but couldn't meet up because of the pubtranspo stoppage.)

Saturday, August 27
HURRICANE IRENE HITS. At, like, 9pm. The city shut down pubtranspo at noon. DUMB. Our house started drinking around 2pm. I mean, how else do you cope with a hurricane? Wait, I mean... a "hurricane." Look, I'm aware that other places along the East Coast got hit HARD by Irene, and I'm not trying to trivialize that. But I don't understand how fucking METEOROLOGISTS saw that Irene would be a Category 1 by the time it hit NYC, and still felt like they had to overreact. I know hurricanes don't usually hit that far north, but there are NATIONAL meteorologists that should know better. Also, I hate the word "meteorologists." Anyway, we drank a lot, played some games, and then everyone went to sleep and I watched Grey's Anatomy. Drunk Tashina loooooooooves Grey's Anatomy even more than Sober Tashina. This is probably the girliest thing I partake in; you can judge me all you want.

Sunday, August 28
We got to get out of the house! We ate at some douchey place called Grand Cafe that was filled with Jersey Shore wannabes, and then we got some drinks after. I think we all drank too much on Saturday, though, because everyone was ready to go after one drink. Very uneventful day. Thanks to George, we all found out our flights would leave as scheduled. Yay! Unfortunately, the boys in the play who are still students booked their flights separately, and THEN their flights got cancelled, so they ended up leaving after everyone else. Oh, the irony. Is that irony? I feel like Alanis Morissette ruined the concept of irony for me. That's an old joke... except it's not a joke for me. It's reality. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IRONY ANYMORE. I think I need to go back to school so that I can be better about things.

Monday, August 29
We got home! That's all that's important. Oh, and Charlotte, North Carolina is a shithole.

Mark Lowry from Theater Jones asked us to do some posts about our trip for the website; if you want to read them, go here: FringeNYC Diary. That is the link to the last post, but there are links to all the other posts within it. I wrote two of them!

Aaaaaaaaaaand... I'm done. If you read the whole thing, I'm impressed. I'm pretty sure it got really boring at parts. Or maybe all of it is boring. Whatever. It's my blogsby, so I do what I want.

I'm KINDA drunk.

But only "kinda." Let's see what happens by the end of this blog.

So what is it about my personality that makes me inclined to want to blog when I'm bored and/or drinking? Also, why am I bored when I drink? Something is very wrong with my life. Someone should figure that out.

Did you know that there are still people who hate Twitter? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I mean, I understand that people don't want to LIVE on Twitter (like I do, because I'm lame), but there's nothing inherently wrong with Twitter. It's far more tolerable than Facebook. I do appreciate the fan pages and groups and other shit that's on Facebook, but honestly, it's more for my theatre company than anything else. Otherwise, I just use it to Facebalk people or look at pictures of myself when I was younger and hotter.

Sigh. I wish I was still in my early 20s. FUCK YOU, ALL OF MY FRIENDS WHO ARE IN THEIR EARLY 20S. Seriously, most of my friends right now are in their (now, see, I have a problem with pronouns in this context. YES, I WENT TO COLLEGE AND TOOK ENGLISH CLASSES, SHUT UP. AND NO, I DIDN'T SAY IT THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE I WAS IN CAPS LOCK AND YOU DON'T INTERRUPT CAPS LOCK. I just don't use the "his/her" and "their" pronouns in the right places all the time. I get frustrated when I think about it) early 20s, and I am definitely NOT, so it gets a little frustrating sometimes. I need more people my age. Or closer to my age. Or something. And listen, some of my friends are in their (ARGH "THEIR") early 20s and they are SUPER DUPER (yes, I said "duper") cool, but a lot aren't. And they forget you're [not the same age because BITCHES I AIN'T TELLIN' MY AGE], so you start talking about things and then you want to murder your friend because your friend is a BABY and you don't hang out with babies.

Man, pronouns were all over the place in that last paragraph. Also, I'm pretty sure I lost my thought along the way. Yay tipsy!

I need a job. But it needs to be after I get back from New York. Then... seriously, I need a job. Someone find me a job. If you get me one, I'll pay you back in delicious meals! I'm a really good cook. Promise.

Does anyone watch America's Got Talent? Because you shouldn't. It's stupid. I watch it because I don't have access to cable. There are some legitimately awesome acts on that show, but they will never get anywhere because they went on AMERICA'S GOT TALENT and fucking ruined any good will they might have. Unless a magician wins that competition, it doesn't mean shit. (Well, some ventriloquist guy won once, and he did really well, but that's just because he kind looks like Jeff Dunham, and also mimicked the same routine.)

Ooh, speaking of that parenthesized bit, did anyone see the latest Louie? (I just wrote "Louise" at first, on accident, which would make that show VERY different.) That interaction between C.K. and Dane Cook was fucking amazing. If you haven't watched it, you should. DO IT. Oh, look, I'll attach it for you here: http://warmingglow.uproxx.com/2011/08/the-louis-c-k-dane-cook-scene. Blammo. I'm like the Godfather of links... or something. Like, instead of putting a horse head in your bead, I'll put a link on a blog that you may or may not read. IT'S THE SAME THING. SHUT UP.

This blog is less amusing than I hoped. I'm talking about TV shows again. I need a life that doesn't revolve around TV shows. Someone get me one of those ASAP, please.

OH MY GOD I WANT SOME TORTELLINI. I just saw some on TV. I love making tortellini skewers with mushrooms and Muenster cheese and tomatoes and cucumbers and grilled chicken and shrimp and AH GAH WHY AM I NOT MAKING THEM RIGHT NOW???? Oh right... because it's late, I'm not sober, and I'm too poor to buy all those awesome ingredients.

Time for "ladies only." You know what's lame? When you're peeing, and your pee is SO strong that somehow it bounces off the toilet water and onto your wrist. What the fuck is that? That pee is rude. And then you have to wash your WRIST as well, and if you're in a public bathroom, you get a strange look from other people for washing up so high. Fuck those people, though, because they should understand the wrist pee issue. IT HAPPENS TO ALL OF US.

So Ricky Perry did some prayer bullshit whatnottery this weekend. Fuck that guy. Even if you're the type of person who is super-Christiany and all that (and good for you if you are), I would hope that anyone with COMMON SENSE understands that whatever Ricky Perry was going for was a big bag of bullshit. If I was sober, I'd go on a well-thought diatribe on why I think it was a big bag of bullshit, but as it is... I'll leave it at that. I just hope that "normal" Republicans realize what a fucking joke Rick Perry is.

You guys. Football is coming. I'M EXCITED!! I'm in a fantasy football league this year, and I'm scared shitless. It should be exciting, though. I'll probably write football blogs, because that's what I do. And then my friend Brittany will be annoyed at them because she won't understand.

I wish I had a million dollars.
I wish I lived in Chicago.
I wish my eyeballs weren't angry.
I wish my underarms didn't sweat so much.
I wish my hair was longer.
I wish I didn't have to dye my hair.
I wish I was krumping RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW, BITCHES.
I wish that my bones wouldn't feel like they don't exist when I'm drinking. Because sometimes, I'm like, trying to pick up my drink or whatever, and my wrist is like, "Whatever, bitch, I DO WHAT I WANT," and it does what it wants. So then I knock over my drink, which is weird and embarrassing. Speaking of weird, don't you think it's weird that the word "embarrassing" has two "R"s and two "S"s? I HATE IT. Worst double/double ever created in the WORLD. No joke. I took a poll, and everyone in the world agreed. Oh, did you not agree? That's because YOU'RE NOT A PERSON SO STOP READING MY BLOG YOU ROBOT ASSHOLE.
I wish I would end this blog.

Apologies for it not being as ridiculous as the other blog. This is what happens when I'm not fully drunk... also, when I'm not surrounded by adorable dogs. WHY DIDN'T I PUT THAT ON MY WISH LIST?!?! I wish I was surrounded by adorable dogs.