Yeah, my title is redundant. DEAL WITH IT. Also, I clearly fell down on my "blog-a-day" hope for this week. You can deal with THAT, as well. I love saying "deal with it," and here's part of the reason why...
Anyway. That's not football-related. So since I've waited until now to write another blog, I'll just go ahead and talk about the actual game. Fun fact: Did you know that most commercials or advertisements or whatever are not allowed to use any NFL-related terms or paraphernalia, including the phrases "Super Bowl" and "Super Sunday"? That's why people say "the big game" a lot. FUN FOOTBALL FACT!
If you didn't already know, I'm rooting for the Packers in the Super Bowl. Despite my predilection for hating people based on their off-field shenanigans, this has nothing to do with Roethlisberger (allegedly) manhandling a bunch of Southern college girls. I never liked the guy much in the first place, and I would be lying if I said that I don't use his personal issues to fuel my dislike. But even then, I can't bring myself to completely hate him. Yes, I'm sure that if I met him, I'd hate the shit out of him. (I wouldn't LITERALLY hate the shit out of him - I don't know if it's possible, but if it is, I'd only want to do it if I wasn't near the person whose shit I was hating out. The last thing you wanna do around someone you hate is deal with their literal shit.) I don't appreciate anyone (allegedly) doing immeasurably fucked up things to anyone, but this season, I've realized that I can hate someone off-field while still liking their skills on-field. This is what Michael Vick has done to us. (I realize that there's a complete possibility that Vick was rehabilitated in jail, so maybe "hate" is too strong of a word for him. And YES, I know that Lawrence Taylor did this too back in the day [and is still doing it, that son of a bitch] while being amazing on the field, but I didn't give much of a shit to football back then, so DEAL WITH IT. You can ALSO deal with the fact that I know other people besides LT did that, but this is not what this blogsby is about, so stop distracting me, dammit!)
The Steelers and Packers are 1 and 2 in defense, respectively. Thus, it's making everyone argue that the game will be won on defense. First of all, it's said that the game will be won on defense EVERY DAMN YEAR. Why is this game any different? Well, actually, it IS different because you're deal with the top 2 ranked defenses in the league. Which means it seems a thousand times more likely that the game will be won on offense. And... duh, the Packers are better than the Steelers, especially if the Steelers can't use Pouncey. They have no real center, so Green Bay is going to MURDER them.
This is my opinion. I'm sure people have others... but they're wrong. I'm just sayin'.
More importantly (WARNING: girl alert!), the Packers will win because of Aaron Rodgers' magic. (You know, I have the hardest time with pluralizing names that end in "s." I know that you can either just do the apostrophe or adding another "s" on the end, and I've lived my whole life doing the extra "s." Now I'm in a tailspin because I've gotten lazy, and I don't want to do the "s" anymore, but I also don't want to cave in to societal norms. MY GRAMMATICAL LIFE IS IN A TAILSPIN.)
"I'm sorry," you might be saying, "did you just say MAGIC?! Are you on crack?" Yes, I did, and yes, I am. Aaron Rodgers is my crack, bitches. His aura is filled with a sparkly yellow that overwhelms all of his opponents. His spirit unleashes adorable puppies into the psyches of the defense until they are blindly groping about, sometimes hitting their own players. He's only gotten sacks (and two concussions) this year because the other guy thought that they were saving him from a den of man-hungry lions. He's still working on his magic (clearly, he'd like to not be sacked at all), but give him another year, and he'll be THE MOST MAGICAL BEING IN ALL OF THE NFL. He's working on his laser-beam eyes, but right now they're like a laser pen whose batteries are almost out. This is probably best, since the person most likely to be on the receiving end of those laser eyes is Brett Favre, who is planning on going into hiding until after all 50 of his former masseuses are done filing charges against him.
So there ya go - the Packers will win, and Aaron Rodgers is magic. Also, Mike Tomlin is badass, and it makes me sad to go against him, but his magic isn't as powerful. Everyone knows that Omar Epps can only do so much for you.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Super Bowl Week #2: FOOD
Tuesday's almost over, so let's do a quick one that actually pertains to the Super Bowl: FOOD. FUCKIN' DELICIOUS SUPER BOWL PARTY FOOD. Let's get into it!
(Side note: Just saw the Packers [and a nanosecond of the Steelers] on a teaser for Access Hollywood. That doesn't seem right. Nonetheless, I'm obligated to continue watching. I'm filled with shame. But my shame is made of lemon meringue, so I think I'll be okay.)
I'm in the process of getting together food for a Super Bowl party, along with some other people. If you haven't already been invited... well, that means you're not invited. I can't feed everyone, bitches! Deal with it. ANYWAY, I've been looking up a lot of recipes for a lot of normal finger foods, and I feel pretty excited about it. However, there are a lot of ridiculous recipes out there, particularly for chicken wings. This is what I'm most looking forward to making because I've never made them before. Let's look at some of the more weird ones.
(AH MAH GAH the Access Hollywood piece on the Super Bowl just made me yell at the TV. PLEASE do not ask their preference on TV shows, or social networking sites, or idiotic female singers. They're playing the most important football game of the year in less than a week. Media Day is the WORST day of Super Bowl Week. If I had the focus right now, I'd do a whole blog on that. However, I'm clearly ADD right now. Oh, and by the way? Aaron Rodgers CLEARLY picked Glee over Modern Family because the Super Bowl is on FOX. I hope. I REALLY, REALLY HOPE.)
CRANBERRY BARBECUED CHICKEN WINGS: I'm sorry, but when you're dealing with something that is stereotypically known as a "man" finger food, using cranberries seems to be ruining it. It's the equivalent of seeing some big beefy dude order a Cosmo at the bar. If it's red and fruity, a man only wants it if it's strawberries and cream, and even then, only if he's eating it off your body.
DRAGON BREATH CHICKEN WINGS: They're Asian chicken wings, which isn't actually that weird... but the name. THE NAME. It's bad enough that buffalo chicken wings give you a mouth of fire, but do you want to eat wings that literally THREATEN fire mouth?! Not to mention that I imagine dragon breath to be equivalent of morning breath after a night of copious drinking and smoking, and that sounds fucking disgusting. No thanks.
MAHOGANY CHICKEN WINGS: Sounds like wood. Also sounds like something a douchebag would order at a bar, just so he could say to a lady, "Wanna try my mahogany chicken wings?" Dude. You don't have real mahogany in your house. Quit trying to put it in your mouth. ... Heh. Wood in your mouth. (Also? Mahogany is an incredibly hard word to spell.)
MEXICAN PARTY CHICKEN WINGS: That is a sex act. It cannot possibly be an actual food. It would be a guy fucking you whilst singing the Mexican Hat Dance song (This is the song, if you don't know), and then when he comes on your face, he throws some salsa on your chest. I'm just saying, I wouldn't TOUCH Mexican Party chicken wings if I saw them.
TOM'S WINGS: Okay, granted, I'm sure this is just some dude that wanted his recipe online. But... there is NOTHING to the recipe. It's a lazy man's version of a regular chicken wing. Did you REALLY think anyone needed that, Tom? Lemon juice and some hot sauce do not a good recipe make. (Even though those are the flavors I put on almost everything I eat. I'm not putting my shitty recipes for white trash pasta/quesadillas/whatever is in my fridge ONLINE, though.)
The last one is really not THAT weird, since I've seen recipes for them everywhere, but...
NAKED CHICKEN WINGS: I don't appreciate any of my food being called "naked." In addition, this manages to be even MORE boring that Tom's wings. Poor Tom. If only you'd put some nudity (or a vaguely sexual reference) in your wings.
For the record, I'm planning to make a lot of food with bacon in it. I haven't decided if the wings will have any... BUT I WILL FIND A WAY. Hopefully. I mean, I'm poor. I can't buy THAT much bacon. Or... can I?
(Side note: Just saw the Packers [and a nanosecond of the Steelers] on a teaser for Access Hollywood. That doesn't seem right. Nonetheless, I'm obligated to continue watching. I'm filled with shame. But my shame is made of lemon meringue, so I think I'll be okay.)
I'm in the process of getting together food for a Super Bowl party, along with some other people. If you haven't already been invited... well, that means you're not invited. I can't feed everyone, bitches! Deal with it. ANYWAY, I've been looking up a lot of recipes for a lot of normal finger foods, and I feel pretty excited about it. However, there are a lot of ridiculous recipes out there, particularly for chicken wings. This is what I'm most looking forward to making because I've never made them before. Let's look at some of the more weird ones.
(AH MAH GAH the Access Hollywood piece on the Super Bowl just made me yell at the TV. PLEASE do not ask their preference on TV shows, or social networking sites, or idiotic female singers. They're playing the most important football game of the year in less than a week. Media Day is the WORST day of Super Bowl Week. If I had the focus right now, I'd do a whole blog on that. However, I'm clearly ADD right now. Oh, and by the way? Aaron Rodgers CLEARLY picked Glee over Modern Family because the Super Bowl is on FOX. I hope. I REALLY, REALLY HOPE.)
CRANBERRY BARBECUED CHICKEN WINGS: I'm sorry, but when you're dealing with something that is stereotypically known as a "man" finger food, using cranberries seems to be ruining it. It's the equivalent of seeing some big beefy dude order a Cosmo at the bar. If it's red and fruity, a man only wants it if it's strawberries and cream, and even then, only if he's eating it off your body.
DRAGON BREATH CHICKEN WINGS: They're Asian chicken wings, which isn't actually that weird... but the name. THE NAME. It's bad enough that buffalo chicken wings give you a mouth of fire, but do you want to eat wings that literally THREATEN fire mouth?! Not to mention that I imagine dragon breath to be equivalent of morning breath after a night of copious drinking and smoking, and that sounds fucking disgusting. No thanks.
MAHOGANY CHICKEN WINGS: Sounds like wood. Also sounds like something a douchebag would order at a bar, just so he could say to a lady, "Wanna try my mahogany chicken wings?" Dude. You don't have real mahogany in your house. Quit trying to put it in your mouth. ... Heh. Wood in your mouth. (Also? Mahogany is an incredibly hard word to spell.)
MEXICAN PARTY CHICKEN WINGS: That is a sex act. It cannot possibly be an actual food. It would be a guy fucking you whilst singing the Mexican Hat Dance song (This is the song, if you don't know), and then when he comes on your face, he throws some salsa on your chest. I'm just saying, I wouldn't TOUCH Mexican Party chicken wings if I saw them.
TOM'S WINGS: Okay, granted, I'm sure this is just some dude that wanted his recipe online. But... there is NOTHING to the recipe. It's a lazy man's version of a regular chicken wing. Did you REALLY think anyone needed that, Tom? Lemon juice and some hot sauce do not a good recipe make. (Even though those are the flavors I put on almost everything I eat. I'm not putting my shitty recipes for white trash pasta/quesadillas/whatever is in my fridge ONLINE, though.)
The last one is really not THAT weird, since I've seen recipes for them everywhere, but...
NAKED CHICKEN WINGS: I don't appreciate any of my food being called "naked." In addition, this manages to be even MORE boring that Tom's wings. Poor Tom. If only you'd put some nudity (or a vaguely sexual reference) in your wings.
For the record, I'm planning to make a lot of food with bacon in it. I haven't decided if the wings will have any... BUT I WILL FIND A WAY. Hopefully. I mean, I'm poor. I can't buy THAT much bacon. Or... can I?
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