I'm drunk.

So I thought about making a drunk blog (a la Hyperbole and a Half...more on that later), but now I'm just drunk, and I'm not rating the experience. I'M LIVING IT, BITCHES.

I'm watching Better Off Ted. It got cancelled. You should watch this show, and be sad that it got cancelled. Also, be sad about the fact that it didn't get a proper ending. I mean, "Party Down" got a proper ending, and literally NO ONE watched that show when it was on the air.

My friend didn't die. I drove her to my house, and trusted her to get to her house, despite her drunkeness (and honestly, despite my drunkeness). SHE'S ALIVE! She just texted me. I feel a lot better.

Ooooh, look at me, I'm drunk, surrounded by dogs who love me... WHO HAS THIS?!?!? Yeah, suckas...

This is perhaps the worst idea I've ever had in my life. I'm going to go smoke a cigarette and think about things. (Pssttt.... don't tell certain people in my family that I smoke. It makes them uncomfortable.)

Man, do people like me when I'm drunk. Maybe it's because they're drunk. Drunk people love people. Right?? I mean, how many people have gotten drunk texts that are, "You're awesome" or "I love you" or "I like hanging out with you" or "I'm glad I got that weird dude off of you because we're awesome people" or something like that.

So. I'm watching Better Off Ted. Which you already know. Man, this is way less interesting than I thought it was. Also, a dog is laying her head on my arm. It's already hard enough for me to type... but now it's even harder, with this dog on my arm.

ARM ARM ARM ARM ARM ARM.

I got the dog off my arm. Jabberwocky.

You know what I'm talking about. Right? Right. Right? Right. OH WAIT - The dog is licking my pant leg. Awkward.

This house is dark and ominous. It makes noises that I don't appreciate. When I saw "appreciate," I thought that it didn't look like a real word. But SPELL CHECK said it's a real word. I don't like words anymore.

I saw something that said words like "anymore" or "anything" or "anyhow" or "anyway" don't exist. They're supposed to be separate words. THAT'S BOLOGNA. Or BALONEY, if that's your preference. Also, what is with the word "bologna"? Boo.

Shut up, Tashina.

Okay.

Man, even drunk, I'm obsessed with spelling correctly. And I don't think I've done it properly in all contexts.

Man, texting is WAY more taxing than typing on a computer. Stop texting me, people who are texting me.

I may do a better drunk post one day. But I can't guarantee that. WOAH. I just spelled the word "guarantee" and I'm drunk. SUCK ON THAT, BITCHES. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH SUCK ON IT.

What is wrong with me? I'm drunk and I'm so worried about proper spelling that I've stopped worrying about blogging. Wait. WHY should I even worry about blogging? I mean, it's a stupid page that I started to feed my own narcissistic needs and now I'm filled with worry about people reading this or whatever, like anyone gives a shit. I mean 5 people DO gives a shit, but who else? NO ONE. FUCK 'EM.

Behold the power of illumenesence! (I don't think I spelled that right - wait, is "illumenesence" even a word? I don't think it is, so I'm surprised that I'd even question the word in the first place)

I want to drink more Riesling. Thanks, Zaire. OR NO THANKS.

Shut up.

No, YOU shut up.

Drunk blogging is stupid. Happy New Year's! (Is it "New Year's" or "New Years"? Or some other option?)