Yeah, my title is redundant. DEAL WITH IT. Also, I clearly fell down on my "blog-a-day" hope for this week. You can deal with THAT, as well. I love saying "deal with it," and here's part of the reason why...
Anyway. That's not football-related. So since I've waited until now to write another blog, I'll just go ahead and talk about the actual game. Fun fact: Did you know that most commercials or advertisements or whatever are not allowed to use any NFL-related terms or paraphernalia, including the phrases "Super Bowl" and "Super Sunday"? That's why people say "the big game" a lot. FUN FOOTBALL FACT!
If you didn't already know, I'm rooting for the Packers in the Super Bowl. Despite my predilection for hating people based on their off-field shenanigans, this has nothing to do with Roethlisberger (allegedly) manhandling a bunch of Southern college girls. I never liked the guy much in the first place, and I would be lying if I said that I don't use his personal issues to fuel my dislike. But even then, I can't bring myself to completely hate him. Yes, I'm sure that if I met him, I'd hate the shit out of him. (I wouldn't LITERALLY hate the shit out of him - I don't know if it's possible, but if it is, I'd only want to do it if I wasn't near the person whose shit I was hating out. The last thing you wanna do around someone you hate is deal with their literal shit.) I don't appreciate anyone (allegedly) doing immeasurably fucked up things to anyone, but this season, I've realized that I can hate someone off-field while still liking their skills on-field. This is what Michael Vick has done to us. (I realize that there's a complete possibility that Vick was rehabilitated in jail, so maybe "hate" is too strong of a word for him. And YES, I know that Lawrence Taylor did this too back in the day [and is still doing it, that son of a bitch] while being amazing on the field, but I didn't give much of a shit to football back then, so DEAL WITH IT. You can ALSO deal with the fact that I know other people besides LT did that, but this is not what this blogsby is about, so stop distracting me, dammit!)
The Steelers and Packers are 1 and 2 in defense, respectively. Thus, it's making everyone argue that the game will be won on defense. First of all, it's said that the game will be won on defense EVERY DAMN YEAR. Why is this game any different? Well, actually, it IS different because you're deal with the top 2 ranked defenses in the league. Which means it seems a thousand times more likely that the game will be won on offense. And... duh, the Packers are better than the Steelers, especially if the Steelers can't use Pouncey. They have no real center, so Green Bay is going to MURDER them.
This is my opinion. I'm sure people have others... but they're wrong. I'm just sayin'.
More importantly (WARNING: girl alert!), the Packers will win because of Aaron Rodgers' magic. (You know, I have the hardest time with pluralizing names that end in "s." I know that you can either just do the apostrophe or adding another "s" on the end, and I've lived my whole life doing the extra "s." Now I'm in a tailspin because I've gotten lazy, and I don't want to do the "s" anymore, but I also don't want to cave in to societal norms. MY GRAMMATICAL LIFE IS IN A TAILSPIN.)
"I'm sorry," you might be saying, "did you just say MAGIC?! Are you on crack?" Yes, I did, and yes, I am. Aaron Rodgers is my crack, bitches. His aura is filled with a sparkly yellow that overwhelms all of his opponents. His spirit unleashes adorable puppies into the psyches of the defense until they are blindly groping about, sometimes hitting their own players. He's only gotten sacks (and two concussions) this year because the other guy thought that they were saving him from a den of man-hungry lions. He's still working on his magic (clearly, he'd like to not be sacked at all), but give him another year, and he'll be THE MOST MAGICAL BEING IN ALL OF THE NFL. He's working on his laser-beam eyes, but right now they're like a laser pen whose batteries are almost out. This is probably best, since the person most likely to be on the receiving end of those laser eyes is Brett Favre, who is planning on going into hiding until after all 50 of his former masseuses are done filing charges against him.
So there ya go - the Packers will win, and Aaron Rodgers is magic. Also, Mike Tomlin is badass, and it makes me sad to go against him, but his magic isn't as powerful. Everyone knows that Omar Epps can only do so much for you.
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